LOSING WHAT WE LOVE
Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all or is that just a quaint little saying that someone came up with to make your loss easier to bare? It seems the more I lose the things I love, the more I feel cheated and angry with the universe. With each loss I'd like to believe it makes me more empathetic when others have similar experiences but at the same time a part of me is left somewhat bitter and angry at the universe for setting us all up to ultimately lose in the end.
I suppose that's a pretty stupid way to feel considering the moment we take our first breath outside of the womb, we are constantly in a state of loss. I guess that's really the nature of change.
According to Marcus Aurelius "Loss is nothing else but change and change is nature's delight". That well may be true but it certainly isn't delightful to me or anyone else in their right mind. Let's face it, change can be downright terrifying at times and the older you get the more terrifying it becomes because you're beginning to lose ammunition to fight it.
I recently heard a radio broadcast citing a study revealing how older people were generally happier than younger people. I disagree with that conclusion. I think older people are just resolved to the fact that things are as they are and are more willing to accept them. They know they should enjoy every moment to the fullest because they realize many more are not guaranteed.
Still, loss feels as if parts of us are being chipped away gradually until there's finally nothing left. The foundation we once felt to be so stable crumbles and disintegrates.
Buddhism teaches that ignorance is the root cause of all suffering and dissatisfaction - specifically, the ignorance that views things as if they're concrete, separate, self-contained entities.
We often feel disappointed by material possessions. Cars break down, televisions go on the blink, computers crash. The fact is that you can't prevent any physical manifestation from deteriorating. But you can prevent yourself from experiencing unnecessary grief by realizing that all these material things are impermanent and therefore, subject to change.
I suppose the best response to the death of a loved one or any type of loss is to just be kind and compassionate toward ourselves. Instead of trying to talk ourselves out of the experience we must allow it to be exactly the way it is, which can be a tremendous relief.
In the words of Eckhart Tolle, "Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender."
